Sunday, February 4, 2007

AM I a true believer?

I just received (from Simona C. (*)) an insightful story telling like this: one day, during religious program, two armed black-clothed men entered a church, one of them saying out loud: “who’s ready to take one bullet for The Christ, stand still!” 20 out of the 2000 “believers” being present remained in the church. The armed men then took their hoods out and tell the priest “you can begin to preach now. Good day!” and they left.

I’m looking at what world “religion” brings up… people brought to churches in fear, lack of beliefs… “church is telling you about the devil, about Satan, about daemons and evil spirits and hell and damnation and every freighting thing they can think of to get you to see how what you intuitively knowing and feeling is wrong and how the only place you’ll find any comfort is in their ideas, their theology, their church, their definition of right and wrong. Celebrations rarely surround choices to follow personal truth. “What?! Are you thinking for yourself? You’re deciding on you own?”“ (**)
I should be careful of these... They may require me to think. Thinking is hard!
Have you been to a church lately [at last 25 years]?... Yes, that’s why I don’t feel like I belong to a (any) church, I don’t feel like going to the ceremony on Christmas or Easter… second and last (I think) time when I was confessing in church was on the day of my marriage; the priest wouldn’t marry me if I hadn’t been confessing…

(*)Thank you, Simona, for constantly reminding us of WHO WE REALLY ARE!
(**)Quotation from Conversations with God book by Neal Donald Walsh.

3 comments:

BACX said...

AND??? DID YOU CONFESS IT ALL? :)

Jay said...

Yes, in fact I told him I lied sometimes, otherwise I'm not a “sinner”; of course I meant that and of course he didn't believed me. Then he told me to make time and go to church: if not every Sunday, at least twice a month. And I said "I WILL" - this is the real sin: I lied about something I new I will not do... and I didn't had the guts to argue on this with the priest; I was thinking is not worth my time... now I think I should have done it… the main reason for not arguing was feeling bad about the thing that he well knew my parents-in-law [see?!?! - not standing for my beliefs!!!].
My [future, at that time] husband was told to go to church at least once a month :)) is funny, isn't it?... I’m a bigger “sinner” then he is/was…
The sin/sinner words are not part of my dictionary anyway. I just hate myself when I’m not telling / doing / promoting what I feel – I think this is the only “sin” we do: dot being who we are…

- said...

I don't believe in sin. I believe you'd "sin" more by going to a church while not being yourself than not going at all.

Regarding lies, in this case I think its conveniences mostly: I know I wouldn't go to church and tell a priest in confession that I don't believe in sin, or that I don't see how an act - any act - can be against god.

Instead, the last time I went to confession - and it was some (ten? fifteen?) years ago - he just kept saying "maybe you did this, maybe you did that" and I didn't even have time to actually answer; I just answered "err ... yes ... err ... yes ..." and the whole experience ended in confusion and disappointment on my part.

In spite of that, I believe in the power of confession, but not as its practiced.

I believe that when you come to admit to yourself things you don't like about your actions, there is great opportunity to heal yourself, to grow and I strongly believe that is all a confession should be.

Instead, since I don't so much believe in the wisdom of priests I prefer to talk to god whenever I have something to tell him.