Tuesday, January 30, 2007

"Do you think we should do eveything in order to be happy?"

BACX was asking me these days: "Do you think we should do everything in order to be happy?"
YES! DO anything you have to do to be happy! not just words, DO IT! I often also say: OK, from now on I'm not doing any compromises towards this and the minute / hour / day after I'm back again; I'm walking over myself, not listening to my heart, my love, to what's beautiful, joyful, truthful in this life.

With exercise I believe we will succeed.

You know what I did not forget since my father passed to the other side? ... that I have promised myself I will live every single day of the rest of my life as it would be the last one... of course, you already heard this thousands of time, but I didn't realize it till he left... and from then on I keep forgetting it every day...
BE HAPPY today! Now! It will always be something important to do for tomorrow; always will be someone to be blamed for your unhappiness.

After answering this, BACX came, as I expected, with the next natural question: "But if your happiness means hell for the ones next to you?"
Most of people enter into relationship thinking of what they can get out of it, rather then what they can pun into them. The purpose of a relationship is for you to decide what part of yourself you’d like to see “show up” not what part of other you can capture and hold.
The loosing of the Self in a relationship is what causes most of the sadness. We gave up most of who we are in order to become who the other one want us to be. When we react with pain and hurt to what the other is being, doing, saying, we have to admit honestly to ourselves and to others exactly how we fell. Say your truth – kindly, but fully and completely.
Be happy but not depriving others. You have to find the balance without compromising of WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
BACX, you or myself could tell me: “easy to say”, “sounds like theory”, but again - With exercise, I believe we will succeed.
[I used some very well expressed ideas from Conversations with God book… we will talk about it a lot ;)]


BACX said...

well... from what you are thinking. i believe that you are hopelessly..optimistic.
What if you can not find the balance? What if you can not change what you feel..and most important. you can not control yourself? Even if you want to, even if you know that it is better to control yourself. What if..you can not remember what you felt? What you wanted to do?
What if you feel like you are dead? And you have no wish, you just want to be lonely, you do not wish to see anynone, or hear or feel?
What if… no one can understand that? And you cannot explain it, because YOU don’t understand what is happening?
And ..everything is falling apart. And you just sit there. And watch. And you don’t feel a damn thing.

Jay said...

:) I'll take that as a compliment.. the being optimistic. There was a time, not long ago, when I was hopelessly pessimistic... it's better to be optimistic, talking from experience.
You brought here a lot of questions and I could write a whole book to answer them - and even so, it would be for no use, it would not solve none your or my problems. 'Till we do something about it.
Why do you have to control yourself? Do you feel like sticking knifes in people? What is to be controlled? I know, the schools, the parents told us to control ourselves, to be careful what we are doing, how we behave, to not be sexual cause is wrong, etc., they cut away all what’s beautiful in us. I* have to un-teach that – to express my feelings, don't be ashamed of myself. We were not built to do wrong. Pleasure, love, beauty, sex is in our nature :))) I sound like some priests now :))) Of course that does not mean to deny the other parts of the medal – you cannot feel love until you get to know what hate is. So HATE!... with all your heart, but be aware of it. And don’t express your hate on others cause what goes around comes around, you know that.
If you feel dead, stay and live that feeling… and don’t say you are not feeling a dam thing; make up your mind! Again, you have no wish, just want to feel lonely – that is already a wish, so – BE LONELY, take time to spend with you. I did the same and it helped. Everyone near us wants to be with them, to get out with them, to do something along with them, but none of us do that with ourselves. And then we ask ourselves questions like all those you asked above… it is not strange at all. If you have babies around you can see… the silence, the innocence, the unconditioned love [remember the times?], the naturalness. You told me you’re sitting there and watched. Did you meant that or you’re just bluffing?
[*I will speak from myself and maybe if we all could do the same, the world would be a better place.

Anonymous said...

i agree.. but.. NEVER put the words SILENCE and BABY together, :)

- said...

Hi all,

First, I believe that changing what you feel cannot be a purpose. As it is, its impossible to achieve in a natural way, since you have to fight yourself to bring such change.

Instead, you could try maybe to understand why you feel what you feel (the root cause of your emotion), then understand where THAT comes from.

Its a bit difficult to do at first (ok, it took me days until I did this for the first time and it started getting shorter after I did it a few times).

Controlling yourself is the same thing: you see the way things flow inside you and try to "push" them the way you want them to go; it is simply a form of violence against yourself and as you do so, you become more and more conflicted.

As for controlling being better for others, it is not; at least, it doesn't work as a long-term solution. The more you control yourself, the more you repress, the more you accumulate within you, and the harder it will be to control yourself the next time.

In the end, you either get to the point where you are sick of always controlling yourself (and give up on any control - much worse than if you didn't control yourself the first time), or simply snap and do something you regret immediately later (with the same result).

Controlling doesn't work.
Not on yourself and not on others. Its a short term solution that prolongs the underlying problem (sort-of like taking painkillers for toothaches, without going to the dentist).

@bacx, what you are asking sounds to me like the textbook definition of apathy.
I've been there and I don't know about you, but for me it was the result of living with circumstances I didn't like, but still ended up accepting. The more compromises you accept, the more you die inside as you are actually giving up what makes you feel alive, what makes you tick).

The result of giving up on your life, is feeling dead inside.

I don't believe that no one understands, but I do know what you mean that you can't explain it since you don't understand it either.

In fact, I strongly believe that once you get so clear about it, that you would be able to explain it to somebody else, you're half way through, to getting out of it.